As children, we grow up experiencing an indescribable anticipation and excitement as we go to sleep on Christmas Eve, expecting the jolly man in red to climb down our chimney and leave us presents. But as we grow older, the magic fades and our spirits are dampened as we discover that the mysterious Santa is not real—and never was.

No longer are days merry and bright as Christmas without Santa becomes the new reality, and whether it was an older kid at school, your parents, or plain dumb luck most of us have gone through the pain that is discovering the truth about Santa.

“I found out that Santa wasn’t real when I found a picture on my mom’s phone of a Lego figurine at a toy store, at the time I just wondered, ‘Oh, I wonder why they were there.’ Turns out, they had taken a picture of the set that they had gotten me, and on Christmas, when I got it, I figured something wasn’t right. But Christmas is still good since it’s always great to get presents, I would say, though, that I miss the idea of Santa. It’s good to be surprised, and with Santa you get more presents, because your parents try to keep up the facade. So it’s definitely different now.”

“I found out that he wasn’t real when, on Christmas, there weren’t any presents under the tree. Instead, my morning was spent with my parents explaining that they were Santa, and they’d be getting presents for me later. After that though, Christmas wasn’t as fun anymore. There was no surprise as my parents stopped wrapping presents for me. I miss being able to wake up to presents under the tree on Christmas morning. At the time I was bummed, and I don’t understand why we even have a tree anymore. But really, I don’t wish I still believed, because it’s give me too much false hope.”

“When I was a little kid, I really liked to go into my parent’s bedroom, since I hated sleeping alone in the dark. And one year, on Christmas Eve, I was going to their room like always. But as I walked past my brother’s room, I saw my dad inside wrapping presents. I just looked at my dad, and we made eye contact for a few seconds, before I turned and walked away. The next morning I asked him about it, and he just laid it on me. At first I didn’t really know what was going on, I just thought he was wrapping presents. I had no idea, but once I learned the truth it ruined the magic. I was so young at the time; I mean my friends were all still talking about Santa Claus and I knew he wasn’t real. It was weird being this young kid who didn’t believe in Santa anymore.”

“After a while, around the time I started elementary school, my parents told me. It was like a right of passage. But, honestly, I still believe in Santa. The magic just makes it feel more Christmas-y, it takes you back to your childhood. It’s just better. It’s way more boring, you can’t just pretend you don’t know when you find out that all of your presents came from your parents, and not Santa.“

“My mom was all excited one year, because she said that I was finally old enough to help be Santa for my little brother. Of course I was just like, ‘What? Santa isn’t real!’ and then I started crying, which she then realized her mistake. I definitely still wish I still believed in him. Now, I realize that Christmas spirit comes from you and through the peace and love of the season, but everything just seemed so magical back then.”

“My mom told me. She said that I was too old for presents, but I feel like you’re can never too old. Believing in Santa just brings in that Christmas spirit, Christmas was definitely better when I still believed. Now it’s way less exciting, it’s totally lost its magic.”